*stressed*

stressed right now due to the end of year looming and the sales target is still there. will keep on working towards that goal, day by day, week by week, month by month. its only 99 more days to the end of the year so chiong ah!!

been having a lot of ups and downs for the past 2 months ever since returning full time to the career of financial planning. knowing how much this line can impact other people's lives as always been my drive ever since losing my father 3 years ago. I still miss you dad, and I hope that your blessings are upon me as I progress on this career path.

as roland shared, this career isn't a career that you enter to try, because it is the career that tests you eventually.

There have been so many changes in my life and it has been quite a whirl to me. so many things to learn, to improve and work on, to become a professional financial planner as well as to become a better person.

Things to work on:
writing down my thoughts, good or bad
better diction
better disposition
better presentations

With these in mind to keep on working upon, it is my goal to become successful, not just in my personal life but as well as eventually become a leader and pillar of the organization. It isn't an easy path and there will be some battles which will be lost along the way. However, it isn't over until the war is over, so jia you!

would appreciate honest feedback from anyone so that I can continue to improve and become a better person for myself, for friends and family and most importantly, for God.

hope everyone who reads this post is still well. take care and God Bless.

ps: i really miss you...

Some words of wisdom

haven't been updating much partly because I have no time and partly because I have nothing very important to share or for me to rant these days. =x

anyway, some chinese words of wisdom. If you can understand it, just write what you think it means in the cbox at the side!

长长长长长长长
行行行行行行行

if you really dont get it.. here's something to help you out..

For Khaiyuen

Khaiyuen,

The point that we would all like to make to you is that we would like for you to improve as a musician and also as a person, so as for you to achieve your fullest potential without having anyone having to slap you in the face or anything at all. We may not be that much older than you, or truth being told, age shouldn't have any bearing on this at all. Do keep in mind that everyone goes through different experiences in life, and those experiences will be pertinent to different people at different stages of their life. When we speak up our mind, we share what we have gone through, we do hope that there can be something to be learnt from what we say. That is why, don't be so fixated on what you think is correct, but rather just listen to what others have to say first, and consider if what they say is correct. In the meantime, go around, ask, listen, seek further opinions on the matter, and if what everyone says is correct rather than what you think you were correct initially, then obviously, there is something not quite right with what you initially thought of, and you should do something to change that right? Rather than be so fixated on your own ideas and continue to make people have to continually talk to you.

On the point about NUSWS, we are ONE big family, but we are still made up of smaller sections. Just like a large family, with different family cells. Each family group functions on its own, but they all come together as one family, extended or not, to work towards a common goal. For me, what really matters more is what we as musicians can learn throughout our journey, rather than competitions to prove our worth against others. Would you rather be able to receive standing ovations time and time again for your performances or would you rather get a gold award that would mean that you have received a certain standard of performance playing? Each would give satisfaction in their own way, but the difference is that different people would gain different amounts of utility and eventually satisfaction from the consumption of the different goods.

About learning the instrument, it is good that you choose to change to another new instrument and it is a good job that you have managed to play the cor anglais in just those short few months. However, the point that we would like to make is that whilst playing other instruments for fun is ok, it would be better to focus on one instrument and be really good at that one instrument. Continually changing from one instrument to another wouldn't really do your embouchure any good if you intend to be a master of one instrument. Ever seen Sir James Galway play other instruments? I don't think so right? Because he is a master in the flute, and he dedicates his time to really practice and improve on that one instrument. That is what we would like to see you do also, to really decide on one instrument and to get really good at that instrument rather than continually trying to pick up some new instrument and continually trying to get better at all instruments. Be a master of one, not a jack of all trades. We really don't want to see you forever trying to get into some section. Find something that you really want to do, which you have for the cor anglais and oboe. So do your best there, and don't keep on trying to pick up and trying to master other instruments. It will really not do your embouchure any good by continually moving around. Some playing around is fine, because buzzing does help clarinet players relax our embouchures, but we don't go around trying to master the brass instruments. As Ian stated and also for my own case, going to another instrument changes our embouchures instead of helping it, and we have to spend more time in regaining the correct ones required, which isn't efficient.

All we want is for you to stop blaming yourself, and stop grovelling. We do mean well, and we want to see you succeed, and we all want to see NUSWS succeed. That should be the goal, where we can grow as musicians, as better people, and as our sanctuary from studies/work. That is what NUSWS is about, to me at least, and I hope that it can be the same for the majority, and everone where possible.

Xianwei

決めた

コンサートが終わったの時、クレリネットを吹かない。時間がないだから、残念。もし時間があたら、もっと感慨する、続けるが欲しい。
しかし俺は今時間がない、それに疲れた。いつも寝たい、元気じゃない。

友達は外国で留学する時の写真はとてもきれいね。俺は頭が悪いだと思う、留学がでかない。

学生の時間は早くて、短くてだと思うだね。

誰が俺のクレリネットが欲しい？

眠い。。。。疲れちゃた。。。一人では寂しい。。。。

SEP

didn't make it for the next sem cuz its too late for one thing, and the economics department has a "standard" of CAP 3.5 to even qualify. i mean, its stated CAP 3.0 on the NUS site, so why the heck do you have CAP 3.5 for the department and isn't stated like -anywhere- that i look? sigh..

anyway, pull CAP again for this sem and next and i might have a chance to go in my final sem.

someone kill me please or i'll end up killing myself studying.

thinking of dropping band to clear time to study and mug like a madman. shld i? sigh

2008

2007 is over and 2008 is here. so many things have happened in 2007, and I'm grateful for everything that has happened over the past year.
Being able to serve in the ex-co of nusws has been a great learning experience. playing for both concerts was a really nice feeling, even though i wanted to quit halfway through the year, and didn't really want to go to italy for fear on a drain on financial resources (which it was actually so i'm not intending to go for any trips that are not saved for by myself) elections wise wasn't that nice as things didn't go as i expected and i made quite an odd decision really.
its 2008 now and i dont know if i'm going to continue to play for planet earth even though i've practiced for it. supposed to submit the signup form for the concert the week after. really hesistant to spend that bit less time with family in exchange for the band. time wise, its not a problem, but sometimes, that tug to spend time for family is there rather than to spend time out with friends, even though they are really fantastic company like zijun, xinhui, khee nguen, ian, huili, ruixiang, teng wen, jin xun, song wee, joel, kee jun, tze ting, yoke khee, fairoz, edna, xiuyu, huikoon, cheng huat, wan ting, jasmine, sharon, fairoz, zheguang, cedric (both of you), and everyone else and of course, mr leonard tan for being so nice all the time and trying so hard to bring us all to the next level of music.
school wise, 2007 has been a year of ups and downs. i broke down in yr1sem2 and flunked my studies. y2sem1 was ok given 6 modules and i really enjoyed learning all my subjects even if i didn't do that well for some. great friends around, like ben, stephanie, cheryl, vengky.. even though i drifted away from some, i became closer with some others. makes me feel odd sometimes to see people that i was really close with in yr1sem1 drift so far away. missing the seniors that have graduated like charlene and i'm so going to miss qin yan the upcoming semester. i always looked forward to japanese classes even though we were next to each other in class to meet up for that lunch session and we could just talk nonsense. haha..
family wise, my family has stabilised over the past year. i still miss you, dad. things are a lot better now and will continue to do so. as they say, time heals all wounds? i'll find more time to go and visit now that its one module less (i hope) for this semester.
relationships wise, all in due time. Its in your hands my Lord. I'm sure you have it all mapped out for me and I'll follow you, with your words in my heart.

resolutions for the year, firstly, to lose some more weight. haha.. make more friends and strive for better grades. hopefully SEP goes through and I'll get to go around the world sightseeing. Looking around for tuition jobs still, and with luck it can be found. pay off my laptop loan by this year and get a new laptop next year along with a SLR. my clarinet wise.. i might sell off or just give it to jinxun or ruixiang should i stop playing. who knows?

everyone else, happy new year!!

the question that haunts me

ok.. i couldn't do this question in the exam and it has been haunting me for the past 2 days. so i'm posting it here in the hope that it will stop haunting me. question has been paraphrased.

Take a Robinson Crusoe economy. He has to decide on how much to produce and how much to demand. his production function is x = sqrt(l) and he has only one unit of time, 1. his leisure is denoted as n, and his work is denoted as l. his utility function is u(x,n) = ln(17x) + ln(n).

solve for the competitive equilibrium.

ok.. its out and i shall hope that it stops haunting me.

Famine in Niger

This is from yoke's blog and the clip just makes me feel nauseated as an economics major. How can such things be happening in this world that we live in? How can we substantiate the food that we are eating even, when such things are happening? We aren't talking about ten or twenty years ago, this is just -two-, i must emphasize, -two-, years ago.

So much for welfare economics, so much for public finance, so much for developmental economics, so much for economic theory, when they can't even -see- such atrocities happening. Its in the news, it may be just one side of the story, there's UN presence there, there's obvious monitoring from IMF and World Bank, there's international aid presence there, so why the heck are they ignoring the basic principle that people should sell off excess only after their basic needs are met?

isn't the right to food and drink for survival part of the basic rights of all human kinds as stated in the Genova convention? so is all that just plain talk and all fluff?

anyway, the video is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iw9OARpp-KI
just watch and form your own opinion.

mine: disgusted

cleaning up

it really sucks big time when your tenant runs away, without paying the rent, and leaving a hell of a mess behind.

1) aircon was spoilt
2) blinds were taken down w/o telling us
3) the refrigerator STINKS of kimchi (they are korean)
4) ALL the spotlights blew up. (some of them shattered in my face when i was changing them)
5) white walls turned YELLOW
6) the washing machine is spoilt
7) the PLUG of the cooking hood is COATED with OIL
8) the stove was so clogged we had to scrub it to clean it out
9) the shower heater was short circuited
10) a BED was stolen
11) ALL the remotes were spoilt

it was so bad that the boss of the cleaning agent we hired told us he will return us $100 to stop cleaning. horrible.

i'll post that horrible tenant's name later..

祸不单行

今天真的不是个好日子。
首先，测验没想像的那么难，结果没有把定义背下来，造成了一半的分数化为乌有。=（
其次，在路上，一不留神不小心撞上了别人的车。虽然不是很严重，但是，还是错在于我身上。4年级的学长，对不起！！
最后，去收租金时，不但被玩弄了又一番，不但没收到租金，车子的后望镜给人家撞了一下。

真的是祸不单行。。

loss

everyone goes through this phase at some point in their life.
we dont want it but it is just a part and parcel of life.

regaining is sometimes possible, sometimes it will never be.

some are replacable, some are never.

where are you now?

練習です

今私わレクチェにeconometricsを聞きます。
どうしって私はbloggingですか？

なにもない。

死にたいですよ。
寝たいですよ。
食べたいですよ。
わかりません。

はいはい。。。

家家有本难念的经

你，我，他
很多时候就是说不出口。
难道是我错了吗？

想念。
思念。
观念。
那一方面？

blogger type

intriguing

complexities

lecture

posting at 0430

why am i posting at this really insane time of the day, i dont have any answers for you.

it has been a really long time since i've blogged using longer sentences instead of singular or short phrases as means to remind myself of things that have happened in my life and things that i should remember in my heart and mind. somehow, i feel that what i'm about to write does not come close to what i really want to say, because no matter how much i write about things, somehow, the point isn't quite there to me.

有些时候，以华文来表达自己的心声会比较容易一些些，但有时也无法把心声完全地表达出来，还有很多事情就是无法以文笔来说出来。很多事情过了，也算了。有些事情你是会遗憾终身，但也有些事情会让你一想起它就会无法停止嘴角往上移动。虽然应该做的，我们都知道应该做些什么，但是往往也就是无法完成，造成遗憾。

doesn't make much sense there doesn't it? talking with myself there and not quite making a point. there have been many losses in life, and many more to come, yet at the same time, you gain something and you will continue to gain throughout your life. treasure what you have in front of you, even though you know you will lose it one day. Perhaps really soon, perhaps in the far away future, treasure it when you have it and give it all the love that you can.

i've lost people whom made a difference in my life, the few people whom i have around me, yet i've gain a few more in return. i am not what you think i am, i am quite the opposite i believe. i look at myself in the mirror and i wonder, who is this person looking back at me. i listen to the wind blowing and i ask the wind, what might it be that you wish to tell me? i remember, i forgive, i forget, i let go, i hold on selfishly.

so, what am i and what am i to do? all i can do is to offer what i can in return in hopes of acceptance. i am not good at all with words, except that my heart yearns to comfort those around me. i hope to play a song of hope to reach out and touch your heart and soul. i wish to let you hear the song of the winds gently blowing past your ears, whispering softly to you.

remember, love and cherish. what you have now and what you have lost. they are all within your memories and your heart, they will never disappear unless you wish them to be so.

华语

最近觉得以华语把思路写下来比以前容易的多，也很想以华语把心声说出来。
但是，还是有许多事情无法形容，所以也只好把那段时光摸掉，尽量把它锁在脑海中，让它成为一段一段美好的记忆。虽然光阴似箭，但是我不曾后悔过。每一段光阴都把我槊成今日的我，也让我一直有着能够反省的回忆。
不知不觉中，已经快一年了。这些日子所走的路不能说的上是一路顺风，但是，同时也过的很充实，让我学到了很多事情。希望能把这些学成的事物留给后代，让他们的生活过得充实，美满一些。

why

do things have to turn out this way?
can we really choose our own fate or let Him decide?
Compromise or stick truly to His words.

sheesh. *bonks self on head*

rhetorics.
His word.

a simple philosophy

something i forgot.
thanks for the reminder kc. =)

stayed up

stayed up till 4 am and i wonder why
can't sleep
absolut peach + 7 up
long day tmr...

regrets

to live life without any regrets.
can you do it?
just walk on, knowing that you have done all that you can.

no regrets.

cant have my cake and eat it too